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So, that was 2025! Here we all are at the start of another year, wondering what it will bring and the prospect of that long haul month of January in front of us. New Year natutrally means different things to different people. For some, New Year happens at a different time and in its own special way. For many though, January signals a new start and a promise of overhaulling themselves and making themselves a better version of themselves - resolutions seems to be everywhere. But why? How did this all come about at the deepest, darkest part of winter, when it is natural to hunker down and rest? This is the tricky bit, our body is telling us one thing and some external pressure or idea is telling us something completely different. Perhaps what might be healthier is to have a good hard look at the things that are holding us in a negative self view or are just not really feeling all that great any more. Then, rather than setting a whole list of to dos (resolutions) that require a lot of energy and added pressure, how about seeing if letting go of something, or giving up something that holds you stuck? May be giving up not asking for what you need becasue you're worried about how others will react or making sure everyone else has everything they need and running out of energy for yourself. Self-neglect is common and, believe it or not, is often behind the feeling at new year that sounds like 'I need to do something for myself!' or 'I need to be fitter!' and so on. But what if instead of trying to find the motivation to go to the gym 7 times a week on freezing cold January day, listening to yourself and ask what do I need today? It may be that you need some exercise, but feel like being at home and somewhere familiar - alternative - some stretching, Hitt or yoga at home (there's lost of great stuff out there or make-up your own routine). It may be that you need to see friends and familiar faces - alternative - arrange a meet-up somewhere pleasant and walk there at whatever pace feels needed; breath the air deeply and connect with yourself and others. Self-negelect appears in many forms - eating or drinking too much, moving too little, abandoning ourselves and our values ..... and more. So how about this new year, making a promise to pay attention to yourself and thereby, gently get rid of the habits that don't allow you to feel good about yourself and the habit of ignoring what your feelings or body is telling you. The point here is; this time of year is a time of winter and recovery, getting ready for the longer spring and summer days. Try accepting that motivation varies and ask yourself 'what I need'. Yes, we all need to keep healthy, fit and fed etc, but how we do it is ours and knowing we are taking care of ourselves in the way that we need is enough.

With something like suprise and shock I find the new school year is here again. It can signal and evoke a range of different feelings for people, not just for school age children and universtity students, who dive into the new academic year, but also for their parents, grandparents, siblings, commuters, childminders and so on. Going to school is one of the shared common experiences we encounter with others, but of course, we all have very different individual experiences and, therefore, very different feelings and expectations. With much trepidation I find myself about to go back to studying and, goodness me, it has roused many, many feelings - ranging from excitment to dread. This coming from someone who has worked in education and values it, seen it from all sides; as child, parent, teacher, manager, uni student and adult learner. When I first applied to study a Level 5 Diploma in Couples and Relationship Therapy, I couldn't have been more excited, moreover, I was certain that I had found just what I had been looking for after a year, or more, wandering the wilderness - knowing I wanted to expand my knowledge, but not able to find that thing to caputure my curiosity and provide a sense of development. Then - there it was. It ticked so many boxes personally and professionally. The course starts next Monday, today is Thursday, and I am now wondering what on earth I was thinking. Plus , I am quite sure I do not have the ability to get through this course - in fact, dare I say it, I have feelings of failure that are rebooting shame and anxiety. Even as I type my chest burns and my thoat feels like it is being singed. Academia has always had this effect on me. Well, to be honest, it's everything I do including, dusting, shopping, sport, packing a bag, work and so on. Just as a child I didn't recognise it and, hey, everyone went to school and tried their best - didn't they? The issue for me, I now realise, is that trying my best is one thing, but underneath, needing to be the best is something else - something for me that is quite damaging. It doesn't come from my ego - it's my super-ego. It's not a balanced, rational sense of doing well. It comes from shame and the sense that if I don't do this perfectly (whatever that is), I am nothing. Smaller than small and not worthy to walk the earth. Fortunately, I have worked hard and come a long way from the crippling past of perfectionism, but it hasn't left me. So, am I being realistic when I think about returning to studying on Monday? Probably not, instead it's the inner 'be perfect' demon raising its head. What I need to stay with is the vulnerability of being a human being - I make mistakes, but also I don't make mistakes and I have what I need to get me through most things. First and foremost, it not about proving anything to anyone else, it not about pleasing them or showing them that I am worthy - "look, I'm burning myself into the ground to prove it to you." No. Not helpful. These next few days are going to be like being in a rocky boat. I have to remember the boat will rock, but it will also get me to shore - just trust. Let's find out what adventures are in store..........

Struggling to sleep and brief bouts of insomnia are normal. We all struggle with sleep at times. Perhaps because we are stressed, experiencing hormone fluctuations, pain, an uncomfortable mattress and so on. So, what is insomnia and when does it become a problem? What is insomnia? Insomnia is a difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep. It becomes chronic when the symptoms have persisted for more than three months. This is when treatment can become an option. The other thing about insomnia that is often overlooked, is that it is a daytime, as well as, a night time issue. Focus tends to be drawn to what is happening overnight, but to manage insomnia we have to look at the whole person and what their day time looks like too. How can CBT-I help? CBT-I stands for cognitive behavioural therapy for insomnia. It is an evidence-based treatment for insomnia that involves looking at cognitions (thoughts from beliefs and/or experiences) and behaviours connected to sleep. CBT-I is a highly effective treatment for insomnia, offering lots of psycho-education around the neuroscience and psychology of sleep, as well as, standard treatment for they type of sleep disruption an individual is experiencing. How can you help yourself? If you are struggling to get a refreshing or undisturbed night’s sleep, one important thing to look at is how you are spending your daytime. Are you getting outside (yes, even on a rainy day)? Are you exercising in some way? Seeing people? Trying new things? Getting up and moving around? Do you have a wind down time in the evening? Eat regularly? Have a good look at whether your day is full of enough physical, mental and social stimulation. A good balance is what’s needed. Also, very importantly, learn the difference between being fatigued / tired and sleepy.  Sleepy is a signal for bed and sleep. Fatigue is the signal for rest and recovery, or a need for a change of activity / movement. Think about track cyclists after a race – they are fatigued and tired to the point of weak muscles, lactic acid pain, breathlessness and sometimes struggling to think straight and speak……. But 15 minutes later after rest and recovery time, they feel better.  This is how the body signals and manages tiredness and fatigue – it is not the signal to tuck up in bed and will usually not be the point that a person can sleep. Eyes drooping / rolling / shutting, nodding off briefly and your head drooping are signal for sleep. What is your bed for? Our brains are very mouldable (the technical term is neuroplastic). The reason for this is linked to survival. However, as a result, behavioural cues can create habits and patterns that our brain thinks are OK to engage with. This readiness to link behaviours with activities can create a problem for sleep because the brain begins to associate the bed as somewhere we do XYZ and NOT  where we sleep. Luckily neuroplasticity means we can remould the brain back to making helpful links – CBT-I can help with this. The bed is for sleep  and not for: Thinking, ruminating and planning Watching TV Scrolling on social media or news Using phones or devices in any way Doing emails and working Tossing and turning There is only one   exception   to sleep and that is sex. Everything else needs to happen outside the bed. Need help? Reflect on what you think is making refreshing sleep hard to attain for you. You can: Try some strategies yourself that mean you only focus on sleeping in your bed. Get some talking therapy for concerns and worries that are getting in the way of a good night’s sleep. Find a CBT-I therapist who can assess the specific reasons for your sleep issues and apply appropriate, evidence-based treatment. Further information : Quiet your mind and get to sleep: solutions to insomnia for those with depression, anxiety or chronic pain. By C.E Carney and R. Manber The seven-day sleep prescription.  By Dr Aric Prather https://www.good-thinking.uk/sleep https://thesleepcharity.org.uk/